There’s a great probability that the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) is going to end net neutrality today.
The death of net neutrality will enable internet service providers (ISPs) to slow traffic to sites they don’t like and speed up service to sites they approve of. This has sparked outrage from the porn sites who are already seeing the obvious and imminent threat to their business model, they have thus vowed to dox lawmakers who are opponents of net neutrality.
”You don’t need to set up an account on our site, but there are a lot of Republicans who just assumed we’d keep their dirty boy secrets,’ explained CEO of Snagglepuss Porn Andrew Canard. “We assumed they wouldn’t screw with us. I guess that unofficial deal is off.”
Websites such as Snagglepuss have the ability to leak the identities of politicians like Kentucky Congressman Neal Perks who likes little person threesomes to Wikileaks and let them share it with the world. But that’s not the case within the internet porn business, it is agreed that revenge is best served without any middlemen.
“We know the lawsuits are going to cost us. But I’m not running a charitable organization. I’m in the porn business. Money isn’t a problem,” Mr. Canard laughed.
A wide range of responses are in store as foes of net neutrality await the news of the porn industry’s willingness to defend itself came to light.
“Two thousand years ago Jewish leaders wanted Jesus out of the picture. Today, Jewish pornographers want His followers out of politics,” expressed Congressman Perks.
Congressman Perks revealed that if he ever watched little person threesomes, then it would be two women and a guy. Watching two guys and girl “getting it on” would be a little too close to watching gay guys go at it.
Another Republican made headway by getting ahead of the scandal by asking for forgiveness.
“I want to apologize to the voters of Montana’s 3rd district. I have sinned before you and to the Almighty. Never more will I watch Muppets sexually exploiting each other,” stated Congressman Kermit Fozzy.