AP Declares War on Turkey: Your Leftovers Are Now a Climate Crime

In a move that would make even the most fervent Puritan blush, the Associated Press has decided to hijack America's most cherished secular holiday—Thanksgiving—with a sanctimonious lecture on "climate-smarter" feasting. Titled "Your Thanksgiving Leftovers Are Harming the Planet. There Are Ways to Shop and Cook Smarter," this November 24, 2025, screed by reporters Kiki Sideris and Caleigh Wells isn't content to offer practical tips on meal planning. No, it transforms a day of gratitude, family, and yes, glorious overindulgence into a confessional for environmental sins. As if Americans needed another reason to eye their turkey carcass with suspicion, the AP insists that your post-dinner Tupperware is single-handedly dooming the polar bears. Absurd? You bet. A new low for a wire service that's increasingly more pulpit than press? Absolutely.

Let's dissect this holier-than-thou horror show. The article kicks off with a doomsday stat: 320 million pounds of food waste this Thanksgiving, per ReFED, a nonprofit that's basically the food waste equivalent of a nagging aunt at the kids' table. That's "essentially like five meals each for all of the food insecure people in the U.S.," intones Yvette Cabrera, the NRDC's food waste director, as if your second helping of stuffing is the moral equivalent of hoarding caviar while orphans starve. Never mind that food insecurity is a complex socioeconomic issue tied to policy failures, not your grandma's tendency to make enough pie for a regiment. The AP piles on with EPA-backed fearmongering: all that uneaten green bean casserole ferments into methane, the "potent planet-warming gas" that's apparently more villainous than a Bond henchman. Solution? Don't enjoy your holiday—obsess over it like a medieval monk flagellating himself for an extra sip of mead.

Sideris and Wells, a social video producer from New York and an environmental reporter from Cleveland respectively, channel their inner eco-zealots through "expert" Joel Gamoran, a chef who sounds like he moonlights as a compost whisperer. His wisdom? Plan your turkey portions to the quarter-pound, buy "misshapen or unattractive" produce (because nothing says festive cheer like gnawing on a lumpy yam), and treat food scraps like they're auditioning for a zero-waste reality show. Carrot tops as pesto? Potato skins as air-fried chips? Onion peels ground into DIY powder? This isn't advice; it's a recipe for turning your kitchen into a recycling center crossed with a mad scientist's lab. And the pièce de résistance: if your pumpkin pie survives the initial onslaught, morph it into a "savory curry" with onions and spices. Because nothing screams "traditional Thanksgiving" like desecrating dessert with curry powder while your relatives stare in horror.

Wells, who reports on "how people’s choices impact the environment," and Sideris, whose beat seems to involve filming TikToks of virtuous virtue-signaling, have elevated personal consumer habits to existential threats. Their byline screams AP's funded climate coverage—courtesy of "multiple private foundations," as the disclaimer coyly admits—turning a wire service into a mouthpiece for elite green agendas. It's the same crowd that lectures on carbon footprints while jetting to COP summits. Thanksgiving, a holiday born of survival and shared abundance, now reduced to a carbon audit? This isn't journalism; it's cultural vandalism, shoving absurd beliefs down the throats of a public that's already stuffed from actual turkey.

The irony? Americans adore their leftovers. That cold turkey sandwich on Wonder Bread, slathered with mayo and cranberry sauce, is as American as apple pie—or pumpkin curry, apparently. But no, the AP wants you freezing portions like a doomsday prepper, sniffing dubious dairy for "expiration" (spoiler: your nose knows), and composting the casualties to avoid "end-of-life emissions." Composting? On Thanksgiving? That's not smarter cooking; that's turning your holiday into a landfill intervention. If the planet's warming because of your overzealous hostess habits, maybe the real crisis is journalists mistaking their op-eds for objective reporting.

Predictably, the comments section under the article is a glorious backlash bonfire, roasting the AP's piety with the precision of a well-sharpened carving knife. Here's a sampling of the best (and funniest) takedowns, proving that real Americans aren't buying this eco-gobbledegook:

- **JMTrumpet (5 hours ago):** "Cabrera also recommends buying food in the grocery store that’s close to its expiration date, or produce that’s misshapen or unattractive... Oh no, we can do much more than that. I'm sure Cabrera would agree that it would be even better to scour the neighbors' garbage bins the night before collection day and scavenge the remains of their past week's meals as ingredients for your family's holiday feast. And 'a quarter pound of cooked turkey per person and about a fistful — or half a cup — of each side dish per person'? Much too much! An ounce of turkey per person with a thimble full of each side dish should be plenty."
*Spot on—why stop at ugly veggies when dumpster-diving is the ultimate zero-waste flex?*

- **Midwesterner (23 hours ago):** "In the hands of a creative cook, the leftovers are often better than the original meal."
*A refreshing reminder that real creativity doesn't involve onion-peel spice racks; it involves reheating with love (and maybe a splash of gravy).*

- **PalaceChase (1 day ago):** "Eating Thanksgiving leftovers is an American tradition. The author must be from Russia."
*Ouch—nothing says "out of touch" like AP reporters forgetting that leftovers are the point, not the problem. Vodka with your borscht, comrades?*

- **MsKobold (1 day ago):** "Wait, what? Who is not eating their leftovers? Thanksgiving leftovers are delicious. If someone has a problem eating their leftovers they have missed the point of cooking in general. In that case, just go out to eat or send the leftovers to me, I can make soup, sandwiches, and multiple casseroles into January. I suspect this article is fiction."
*Reply from null0000 (1 day ago): "Thanksgiving sandwiches for three days until it's all gone - especially if you're taking leftovers from someone else's cooking!"*
*Preach! The AP's "waste crisis" is just code for "we hate joy." Pass the foil-wrapped plate—I'll handle the emissions personally.*

In the end, this AP article isn't about saving the planet; it's about shaming the simple pleasures that bind us. Sideris and Wells, take your scrap-pesto sermons elsewhere—perhaps to a kale-only potluck where methane is the only thing getting roasted. For the rest of us, Thanksgiving remains a defiant feast: eat hearty, love deeply, and let the leftovers linger. The planet will survive; your holiday spirit might not if you let this nonsense win.

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