01-18-2019 | Science, Weird
Photo credit: Irish Medical Journal | imj.ie
Irish Medical Journal Warns Against Shooting Up Semen For Science
Don't intravenously inject your own semen in your body! It's not the kind of thing you expect to have to explain to someone, but you have to realize everytime you read a disclaimer warning that the flea and tick remover is for external use only or other obvious instructions, that likely at least one person made that stupid mistake before the admonition was added to the package.
Ireland is known for a lot of things. Limericks, hard drinking, leprechauns, and potatoes to name a few. It is yet to be seen whether a recent event will result in adding "spunk injections" to that list. Regardless, an Irish medical journal felt the need to offer a very specific warning against devising independent cures to your medical afflictions especially when that cure involves shooting up sperm.
The Irish medical journal in question (incidentally Irish Medical Journal) apparently couldn't resist displaying some of the characteristic sharp wit, and dark comedy Celts are famed for in the title: "Semenly” Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous Abscess.
The medical journal authors noted that "no other reported cases of intravenous semen injection "was found either in medical literature or even within the context of a "broader search of internet sites and forums."
The poor fellow who concocted the idea of a popping pud-juice into his arm ended up with a severe subcutaneous abscess and likely still had the initial back pain he was trying to "cure" through the outlandish alternative treatment. Apparently while complaining to the doctor of his back pain, they noticed a red mark on his arm whereupon he admitted he had been "experimenting" with semen injections in the hopes of dulling the pain.
The journal mentioned that similar cases of injection of harmful substances from mercury, gasoline, charcoal, lighter fluid and even hydrochloric acid had been reported in suicide attempts, but shooting up strange bodily fluids for therapeutic purposes seemed to be brand new. So, I guess congratulations Ireland for some astonishing, if ill-conceived, attempted innovation.
In the guy's defense, there is some mention of subcutaneous semen injection into rats, though the journal doesn't go into detail regarding whether the rat studies were related to pain relief. Considering some of the scientific studies I've read, it's quite possible it was done just out of sheer morbid curiosity, boredom or simple sadism.
The moral of the story is to refrain from undertaking "innovative treatments prior to clinical research in the form of phased trials inclusive of safety and efficacy assessments." In short, leave it to the professionals next time, Muirchertach!
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