By: Philip | 11-03-2017 | News
Photo credit: Sbukley | Dreamstime

Show Me LaBoeuf: Shia Comes out of Hiding

Shia has been pretty scarce lately. Ever since going nuts after working with Lars von Trier things seem to have been on a swift downward slope for the former Disney star. From 2009 on, he's had semi-regular run ins with the authorities as well. When LaBeouf was caught plagiarizing a story by Daniel Clowes, he just played it off as a seminal moment in his artistic development of a new concept for his performance art.

<blockquote>"The idea of the 'star' could become a prime site for the formulation of new stances whose honesty might advance a more satisfying kind of affect."</blockquote>

In 2014, after working with von Trier on <i>Nymphomaniac</i> he wore a paper bag with the text, "I am not famous anymore" written across the front. Slightly incorrect, his stunts and arrests would keep him at least infamous for some time. Some cryptic statements at a Berlin Film Festival press conference: "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea," and stormed out. Evidently this is exactly what Manchester United footballer Eric Cantona said before storming out of a press conference in 1995 after his conviction for assault.

<iframe width="500" height="281" src="" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Shia claims he was raped during a performance art piece in L.A. as part of the #IAMSORRY conceptual performance art piece. He was also <a href="">kicked out of a showing of Cabaret</a> for "disruptive behavior" (witnesses claim he was grabbing Alan Cummings' butt). Then that weird Sia video that so many people found suggestive of Shia and a small child engaging in some sort of mock sexuality, the singer felt the need to apologize. All this unhinged behavior could, of course, be a cry for help or simply antics aimed towards cornering the information economy.

Or it could be as rumor has it, that he has an 8chan dentist who installed a mind control/tracking device this <i>could</i> possibly be the reason (like time travellers in in 12 Monkeys) he's lost so may teeth in the past years

<iframe width="854" height="480" src="" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Most recently there was the He Will Not Divide Us affair which has further led to the slide down the spiral for LaBeouf. After having the HWNDU flag taken down several times Shia ended up making the TMZ scene with an expletive laden rant that man criticized as being racist. Taking on (or more likely being taken on by) /pol/ has left it's toll on the star of <i>Holes</i>. Speaking of holes, Shia and his girlfriend have emerged from whatever hole from under whatever rock they've been <a href="">hiding in since April</a>.

<img src="" style="max-height:640px;max-width:360px;">

As our editor Major Burdock so eloquently put it: "Whatever he's sherpaing in that bag is probably some Gluten free sh*t that is making his girlfriend look like a teenage corpse."

Share this article
Thoughts on the above story? Comment below!
1 Comment/s
JS No. 11165 2017-11-05 : 15:41

With Shia, you've got all sorts of nutz. All you need is some candied fruit and you can bake a fruitcake.

What do you think about this article?
Comment *

Recent News

Popular Stories